Last night I was at dinner with a couple of friends. A good friend of mine from class was sitting across from me, and at one point, the topic of generosity came up. The discussion helped elucidate a concept that I’ve always believed, but never really put onto paper, so I guess now is a good enough time than ever.

I have always been really big on kindness. I like kind and courteous people. A lot.

The basic concept I want to propose is that when it comes to success, being nice and kind goes a long way. I think more so than we often realize.

Appreciation

I have to admit, it’s nice to feel appreciated when you do a good deed, like when you help someone. It actually really annoys me when I help someone out and I don’t get a simple thank you in return – thanking someone for taking their time to help you is so simple and makes such a huge emotional difference, that it boggles my mind when people don’t do this.

I remember one time in an undergraduate biology class a complete stranger asked me if I could send them the notes I had typed up that day since they came a bit late. I said sure. I emailed them to her and never heard back.

I receive quite a few emails here at MedHopeful and while I’m more than happy to answer questions and provide personal advice, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when nothing comes back in return – not even a simple thank you.

What happens? The next time you email me, I’m going to remember you as the person who wasn’t even courteous enough to say thank you – and it would probably be naive to think that wouldn’t consciously or subconsciously affect any advice I provide in the future.

And I’m sure you might be a nice, great person, but look at the impression that was left behind instead. Not saying thanks implies being ungrateful, even if you were in fact grateful.

When you get help, take the time to say thanks. All it takes is a second, but it goes a long way to building good, strong relationships.

Generosity

This was actually what my friend I were discussing last night. The conclusion we came to at the end of the discussion was basically that while being selfish was good short-term, being generous pays huge dividends long term.

When you give, people want to repay you back, often with more than you originally gave. I’ve learned the most about generosity from my close high school friends. They are insanely generous with me without ever asking for anything in return. All it makes me want to do is figure out a way to be just as generous, if not more so, back to them for years to come.

Contrast that with being selfish. While being selfish helps you out tomorrow, it burns bridges for years to come.

Just Being Plain Nice

I remember when I was in high school, and a friend of my brother’s was running for student council and he had been successful in elections every year. While talking to him, I remember thinking to myself “wow, he’s so nice. I can’t even find one reason to not like him.” I bet he got my vote that year.

We think with our emotions more than we’d like to admit. We also find it easier to look for reasons to dislike something as opposed for reasons to like something – that is, we tend to go for “process of elimination”. It’s just easier to single out things we don’t like than point out things we do. And the same goes with people.

Look at how patients rate their physicians, for example. Recall that last physician who ticked you off – was it because of their attitude, or because of their quality of treatment? Or remember your favourite physician – are they your favourite because they are nice to you? Pretty sure the physician I dislike most provided me with sound advice but was extremely condescending.

So take the time to be nice. It’s not that hard, and it’ll go a long way.