“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

When I was in undergrad, I had 5 good friends who also wanted to go into medical school. All 6 of us eventually got into medical school. I didn’t know any of them before I started undergrad. They were all people that I randomly met somewhere in undergrad, most of them were in my classes. Still, what are the chances?

Of course, that’s not the whole story. All 6 of us were well aware of our shared goal of getting into medical school. But we didn’t act as rivals. We didn’t see each other as competition. Instead, we kept each other up to date on medical school news and deadlines. We discussed our trials and tribulations with the MCAT. We helped each other with essays and interviews. We worked together towards our own individual but identical goals.

The fact that we all go into medical school is honestly a statistical anomaly. It was by chance that I met these 5 people. But what wasn’t chance was that we chose to motivate, encourage and support each other towards our shared goal. It wasn’t chance that we chose to remain in close contact. And I am sure all of us would agree that these relationships, in some way or another, helped us towards our goal of getting into medical school.

You are the product of the people you surround yourself with

As much as we’d like to believe, we can’t do everything on our own. When we set challenging goals for ourselves, such as getting into medical school, winning a sports competition or even improving your fitness and health, the climb up seems impossible. And for many of us, doing it on our own us.

The concept of surrounding yourself with people with shared interests and goals isn’t something new. For example, there are many successful support groups for people overcoming addictions, such as alcohol consumption (e.g. Alcoholics Anonymous). There is no doubt that surrounding yourself with people who want to achieve the same things as you significantly adds to your chances of success.

Whatever huge goals you have, whether it’s getting into medical school or something else, I implore you to find people who want that success just as badly as you do, and work together with them. Not against them. With them. And I’m going to give you 4 reasons to better explain why this is a good idea.

1. Motivation

Peer pressure often has a negative connotation, but when it leads you to the goal you want, it can be a magical thing. Imagine being in a project group where everyone else is an A student. I have no doubt that your group will get an A again. Not just because your other group members will be producing A-level work – but because their presence will motivate you to do the same, regardless if you were an A student before. They will expect you to produce your work on time, and contribute the same quality of work they always do. You have no choice but to perform at the level of an A student.

Contrast that with if you were working on your own – you are only accountable to yourself. Maybe you want an A, but since you’re so used to settling for a B, you stop caring. Things change when you are in a group of motivated individuals. For example, imagine a strong group of premed friends. Everyone is striving for that 4.0 GPA. When your friends get high grades, you want it too. You don’t want to fall behind. Their presence motivates you to work harder to keep up. And whether you realize it or not, your presence has the same effect on them too.

Think about it for a second – why do people study at the library? Sure, it’s quiet, good lighting, etc. But seeing other people studying hard motivates you to study too. The same effect occurs at the gym – seeing other people work hard and succeed motivates you to do the same. I’m sure you work out harder at the gym than if you were to do the same exercises at home on your own. Having people around you who share the same goals motivates you to stay on course.

2. Shared Information

In my 3rd year of undergrad, I took a biology course where the professor did not provide any hand outs or online notes. In fact, he literally just spoke from the podium, with a few occasional projector slide diagrams. He sometimes a couple of key points on the board during class, but the vast majority of the course material came straight from his mouth. As a result, I spent every lecture trying to type almost every word he said – it would be impossible to get the material down by pen. I shared my notes with my premed group, and even one of them (who had a higher GPA than me) said it was a lifesaver for him. I happily shared with them because I knew they would have done the same for me. In one way or another, we would return favours to each other.

There is way too much information in this world to sift through and keep track of. One person can’t and shouldn’t be doing it alone. With a strong group, you cannot only distribute that work, but you often get new information from your colleagues you otherwise would not have realized. Don’t worry if you are forgetting a deadline – one of your colleagues will surely remind you.

3. Emotional Support

Ranting about the MCAT or your “A minus” paper to your significant other, family or friends may get you a bit of sympathy, but often they will be unable to empathise with you. Heck, as you cry, they are thinking to themselves “The MCAT is what now?”

Having a strong group that suffers as you suffer is huge. They won’t judge you because what’s important to you is also important to them.

4. Complimenting Each Other’s Weaknesses

Although you may share your goals, your group have different strengths and weaknesses. For example, although you may both be premeds, one of you may be a science major and the other may be an arts major. The arts major may need help with their science prerequisites and the science major may need help editing his application essays. The fact that your group may have different backgrounds is an asset – so long as you work together to succeed.

In my group, I had the background of having been successful with applications and essays before. I ended up editing the UofT med school essay for 3 of my peers, and 2 of them ended up receiving interviews. In contrast, my peers were able to help me with random academic and courses challenges.

Caveats

Of course, it isn’t as simple as just finding people with the same goals as you. Things won’t work out unless they are people you trust and who are just as driven, hard working and giving as you are. If you notice there are people taking but not giving back, or that you simply don’t get along with, then be honest that things may just not work out with that person.

Conclusion

Just to be clear, I’m not saying that you should only hang out with people with the same goals as you and ignore everyone else. Far from it. I think you should interact with many kinds of people and have many different friends.

However, I am encouraging you to be proactive about ensuring you do have a close group of friends who you work with towards similar goals. Think of them as just one of your group of friends, among your many group of friends. Trust me, after all you go through, you will be good friends with them.

So every time you have a big goal you want to achieve, whether it’s career, educational or lifestyle goals, consider finding others to work together with. I’m confident having a strong group will bring you that much closer to your goals.